Friday, May 23, 2003

Suddenly, and for no good reason, I began to think about Howie Mandel.

I can't even remember quite how it happened. One minute, I was going about my business, and the next thing I knew, there was Howie Mandel, settling into my consciousness like he had never left. He was inflating medical gloves with his nose and doing that shrugging thing and saying "What? What?" as he was once wont to do.

But the important thing here is that for years and years I had gotten away with not giving Howie Mandel so much as a second of my time. He was dead to me. And now he springs back unbidden, like the fetid corpse of Jason springing from the lake and making you spill your popcorn.

I can't stop it now. I'm picturing that terrible movie where he was possessed by a dog or something and I've never even seen that movie! I'm hearing his voice from the Little Bobby cartoon.

Howie Mandel is like some terrible airborne pathogen, lying dormant for years, only to resurface and doom your small intestine. But at least there is some comfort in the fact that I have passed Howie on to you now.



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