The Napoleonic Wars
I have had a deep and abiding need for a Napoleon since last week. Not the pint-sized French general kind, but the pastry kind. My usual go-to pastry destination, Whole Foods, left me Napoleonless, in a "not much call for them around here, squire" interaction. Another luxury grocery store which shall remain nameless (but is in fact named Draeger's) also failed Napoleonically and has snotty clerks to boot.
If I don't get a Napoleon soon, I can't be held responsible for the consequences. I might have to build a doomsday machine, lug it to a remote island location called, I don't know, let's say Skull Island, and threaten the world supervillain style until my demands are met.
I bet that's how Dr. Doom got started. And the real tragedy is that he probably got his Napoleon right after they put that metal mask on him, so one of his henchmen had to push the Napoleon through the tiny mouth-slit.
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