Friday, March 22, 2002

You know in 2010, when Bowman appears as an old man and says "Something's going to happen...something wonderful"?

Well, I'm pretty sure he was referring to me finally getting my free stuff from Clamato. Words cannot express the Dionysian jubilation I felt as I opened my mailbox to find a large and squishy package from the good folks of Mott's. I feared the worst, that some no-goodnik at Mott's had filled a manila envelope with Clamfruit to get me to stop bothering them, but no! Not only did they they send me a Clamato T-Shirt, which says "CLAMATO" in large, briney letters, but also a bunch of coupons for free Clamato, and a Clamato recipe book, painstakingly Xeroxed by some hapless Clamato lackey.

The T-Shirt also has a slogan in Spanish. I don't speak Spanish but I'm pretty sure it says something about the UberClam, biding his time until the day when he may rise up and smash all us puny humans, with the help of his UberSidekick, The Tomato Kid.

So, please, cancel the Clamato boycott. Get out there and start drinking Clamato like there's no tomorrow. I'm not sure exactly how much Clamato you would have to drink for there to actually be no tomorrow for you. I'm thinking the entire 64 oz. jug would probably do it.

I'm so excited to wear my Clamato garb, especially at the beach. I envision a St Francis of Assissi scenario, where all the slumbering beach clams rally to my shirt and worship me as a bivalve Messiah, come to bring them to Clamvana.

The epic Clamato saga in its entirety.


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