Friday, May 17, 2002

A Message to Virus Makers:

You should probably think about making the subject and text of your virus emails a little more believable.


Subject: Here is Windows XP Patch!
Body: Here is Windows XP Patch! I think you like it.

This "I think you like it", while possibly intriguing on some sort of morbid grammar curiosity level, is not the usual mode of discourse one employs when sending unrequested patches to complete strangers (who don't actually run XP). Whenever I send XP Patches to complete strangers, I like to open with a nice friendly "Hi! I don't know you, but I am concerned that your Version of XP is not functioning at its optimum level."

See? Now the hapless victim trusts me, fooled into believing that I am concerned about his/her computer.

Then, I would go on to make the attached virus file sound as enticing as possible:

"This XP Patch is so superbly crafted, so lovingly fashioned, you will be put in mind of summer breezes and the sweet and lush fragrance of strawberry shortcake. Why don't you install it now, and instantly transport yourself to the warm bubblebath of Windows XP!"

That would work, I tell you.

But no, every virus has to say something like "I am wanting that enjoy you" or "Joke are fun having".


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