You know what's horrible?

The smell of a Mrs. Fields' Cookies or Cinnabon in a mall.

God it's awful.

Um. That's about all I had to say about it.

Oh, no, wait! I have more: The old Kmart smell! Does anyone else remember that? It was like old popcorn and spilled blue ICEEs and cheap food at the Kmart food counter.

And, of course, the smell that is punishing me right now: someone making microwave popcorn at work. There oughta be a law.

All of these things are bad. But I am guessing none of them are as astoundingly bad as Steven Seagal's new movie Half Past Dead.