Wednesday, January 30, 2002

Sorry about the whole alliteration thing happening in the last post.

Also, just wanted to mention that I got a fax spam today for Grandfather Clocks. Chances are not real good that I'm going to be strumming along on the ol' gueetar or playing Quake, and suddenly look down at the fax machine, when all of a sudden it'll hit me: That's what my life has been missing all this time! A Grandfather Clock!

And not a good Grandfather Clock either. I want an incredibly cheap Grandfather Clock for oh, say, 300 bucks. One that's going to break in the first month I have it and then gather dust and wait for me to hurt myself by walking into it late at night.

Another exciting feature of the GRANDFATHER CLOCK NEW YEAR BLOWOUT fax spam is that they promise delivery by Christmas. That's right. In just eleven short months, these speed demons of the timepiece world will have that baby on your doorstep, ready to start keeping time adequately until the one year warranty runs out. I'm guessing after eleven months most people would have forgotten they ordered a 300 dollar Grandfather Clock and might be more than a little puzzled when one showed up. Just imagine if you got liquored up one night and went ahead and placed your order. What a surprise on Christmas morning!

But eleven months! That's like the gestation period of an elephant for god's sake.

And 300 dollars? For a Grandfather Clock? I don't want it to be made out of balsa wood. I want some quality in my needlessly grandiose chronometer!

It's the same principle as a $1.99 Vegas buffet. Things just should not be that cheap. At least after you eat a $1.99 Vegas buffet, you don't have to wait eleven months for the result.


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