Wednesday, January 09, 2002

Another rambunctious Kafkaesque Great Idea:

Baked Potato Jelly Beans

You heard me. Baked Damned Potato Jelly Beans. They already make Buttered Popcorn Jelly Beans and Unspeakable Evil Jelly Beans (also known as the horrible light brown Peanut Flavor, which you think are Root Beer or something wildly unlike the hideousness of the Peanut Flavor, but in fact turn out to be Peanut Flavor. As an aside here, I recently scarfed a small, maybe thirty-bean size Jelly Belly assortment, out of which a full SEVEN were Unspeakable Evil Flavor. This leads me to the conclusion that either 1. The Jelly Belly people really want to get rid of those Peanut Flavor beans; or B. that there is a cosmic law that means you end up with a disproportionately large number of your least favorite flavor bean. I wouldn't want to say. Maybe somewhere out there, some poor sap is eating Watermelon Jelly Bellies by the handful, nonplussed by their watermeloney goodness, tears rolling down his cheeks as he wishes for the Unspeakable Peanut Beans that even now haunt my kitchen counter, refusing in their evil to even be thrown away, and remaining as a chill reminder that not all Jelly Beans are your friends).

So why not? The marketing is a cinch: Jelly Beans already look like baked potatoes, so just wrap them in tinfoil and you're ready to roll. You could even have an assortment which featured different toppings, like BacOs, Sour Cream 'n' Chive, "Butter-like", and my favorite baked potato topping: Hot Fudge.

Maybe if it goes well, I could get the Magical Elves at Kafkaesque Labs to whip up something really tasty, like a Clamfruit Jelly Bean. Now we're cookin with gas baby! But hell, those layabouts can't even make a potato that wants to mash itself, so how could they even come close to this kind of grandeur?

...ok maybe that was just a Marginally Good Idea, or Borderline Catastrophically Bad Idea. Only time will tell.


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