When is the exact moment when a salad ceases to be good for you?

There exists a theoretical double-curve you can use to figure out such worrying salad problems. On one curve, you can plot the inclusion of such treats as grated cheddar cheese, hard boiled egg, salami, BacOs and really excessive items like half a can of Crisco or a ham hock. The other curve plots nutritional value and is therefore buoyed up by things like bell pepper, beets and radishes. Non-commital items like celery and the pleasing but sadly non-physique-enhancing iceberg lettuce have no effect. I will not sully these proceedings with the inclusion of ridiculous salad interlopers like edible flowers. If you're putting flowers on your salads, you are clearly not interested in the salad sciences and need a nice lie-down.

The magical meeting of these two curves is the singular moment where your salad has achieved perfect balance. This is also known as the Salad Horizon Theory*.

I would like to believe that my salads dance upon the Salad Horizon, toeing the line between healthy and unhealthy in a beautiful dance of calories and fiber not unlike the eerie rotation of a gyroscope, but frankly I am unsure.




*"Event Horizon" is a movie which honestly could have used some leafy greens. Also, not having Sam Neill in it would have helped.