Thursday, April 24, 2003

I went to Target today in spite of the fact that I hate hate hate it* and gazed at camping supplies for our trip tomorrow.

Among the odd Coleman items that seem to have sprung up in great profusion in the last few years was an "Egg Carrier", which was a little plastic suitcase in which you can hold one dozen eggs. I was tempted, but I shied away, fearing that my eggs would be the wrong size for the Egg Carrier. If it was designed for Large eggs, and I had Extra Large eggs, just imagine the chaos that would ensue, and the tragic loss of egg life.

I'd like to bring the Egg Carrier in to meetings at work, because it looks kind of like a miniature attaché case**, the kind that drug cartel overlords routinely transport large sums of loot and cocaine around in. I'd call in all the other Power Players at work, put my Egg Carrier down in the middle of the table, and say "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for coming on such short notice. I think you'll all agree we are at a pivotal time for Purgatory, Inc."

They would nod admiringly, some of them eyeing my Egg Carrier anxiously.***

"But first," I would intone, opening the Egg Carrier, upon which I would have installed combination locks and possibly a decal reading Baby on Board. "The eggs."

* Don't bother looking for any specifics as to why I hate hate hate Target. I just do.
** This not even remotely accurate. In fact the Egg Carrier looks like this
*** It is important to note that while this line sounds like it may have been co-opted from a Penthouse Forum letter, it in fact was not.


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