I know.

I've been gone for a while.

I'm sorry. But you have to stop calling. And the gifts, while nice, are getting a little embarrassing. I mean, who can eat that many peanuts?

What really happened was that I was off continuing my life's work of collecting a bottle of Vicks Vap-o-Rub from every country on the globe. Let's see...with Mauritania out of the way, there's only 58 to go. I'm looking at Fiji next.

OK, none of that is really true (except for the Fiji part). What happened was that my sister got married to a wonderful woman and I was out of town attending. With such chaos in the world today, it was a little moment of brightness. Here's some people who have the right idea.

I'm so proud of you both. Here's to you!