Wednesday, February 12, 2003

Thoughts from My Ten Minute Commute

Oh god oh no oh shit it's raining! It's Raining! In Southern California!

I will not fear. Fear is the mindkiller.

These people are imbeciles. They can't drive in the rain. What? What are you doing? You can't stop on the freeway! Why are you stopping on the freeway?!

Oh man, please stop, guy-behind-me-in-an-Escalade who is eating a breakfast burrito, talking on the phone and oh my sweet christ is he shaving? Aiiiee! Stop, I implore you!

Ah. Tindersticks. Good song. What is this song about? It sounds like it's about masturbation. It's 7:45 in the morning and I'm listening to a song about masturbation. No wonder I'm so twitchy.

And we didn't have any coffee this morning. I'm going to die in the rain, smushed into a pile of goo by cretins who can't navigate in a light drizzle and I won't even be able to react because I had to drink tea this morning.

This is the fast lane. You are going 35 miles an hour. Oh great. You've got a fish on your car. Get in the Jesus lane.

Oh man, and you want to go 90, Mr. Nissan? OK, fine. Go ahead. You can block for me.

Remember, maintain Zen Driving. Be at one with the cosmos. Do not curse or make that gesture that you always make where you shrug angrily at people. This will just confuse them and heighten the chance that they will hit you.

Ah. My exit. Why does it smell like soup here? And onions and blueberry muffins? Why?

I'm turning right! I'm turning right! I have the right of way, not you! Aaaaaagh! Get out of my way!



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