Wednesday, September 03, 2003

I have been hard at work for a few days in the think tank, cooking up a barnburner of a theory: I believe there has been a serious paradigm shift in the last few years, with the old standard order of "Ernie and Bert" being replaced by its polar opposite "Bert and Ernie". Bert has grown in notoriety while Ernie has become a tragic and marginalized figure.

A quick Google search reveals the depth of the swing into the Bert camp in recent years:

The sad numbers
"bert and ernie": 19,300 Google results
"ernie and bert": 6,740 Google results

Yeah, I hear some of you out there, saying "But I always said Bert and Ernie!"

That's fine, but you need to accept that this is wrong. Perhaps you are simply unable to remember a simpler, more carefree time, when Ernie came first:

Official "Ernie and Bert" video You will notice that in this video cover, the order is clearly "Ernie" and then "Bert".
Wikipedia entry for "Ernie and Bert". Tellingly, there is no "Bert and Ernie" entry.
Ernie and Bert Flag Once again, no "Bert and Ernie" Flag.

There now.

I say it's time for a return to Ernie. A return to a time when this country valued the gregarious, good-natured, disturbingly furry young man who lived with his peculiarly pineapple-headed friend in what was debatably a platonic relationship.

I mean think about it: It's a choice between pigeons and rubber duckies, between bottlecaps and tweedlebugs. Well, I know for a fact that Dangerously Insane Person Mike Tyson keeps pigeons because I saw it on FOX, so that's a pretty clear vote for rubber ducky. And everyone loves the tweedlebugs, whereas bottlecaps are relatively inanimate, don't make cute noises and patently do not have their own complex society in a windowbox, now do they?

Ernie is charming, what with his wacky antics and Muttley-style snigger. Bert, frankly, is repressed and sounds like the horn on an '84 Chevy Cavalier.

So please, join me and let's make ERNIE FIRST! a reality.

Somewhat related: Bert and Ernie Call It Quits
Unnervingly Exhaustive Ernie & Bert Sketch List


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