I had a first today.

It was the first time this thought had ever crossed my mind: "Gee, it's ten AM and I've already had a colo-rectal exam." I mean, what can possibly top that?

Yes, I had the first physical of my sheltered existence today. I'll spare you any further details, as this blog refuses to sink to the depths of bottom humor any more than is absolutely necessary, especially when it's my bottom that's in question. Suffice to say that in the subject-predicate paradigm, I now know what it means to be the predicate.

Also, it's difficult to conduct a conversation when the person speaking to you is palpating your testicles.

Come to think of it, I don't think I need to use the word "palpate" again just about ever.

If you haven't already stopped reading, you should probably go and have a nice cup of tea, a shower, and a bit of a lie-down.