Sunday, February 01, 2004

There has been an ugly trend toward physical fitness in the Kafkaesque household lately.

Yesterday, tennis. Today, a ten mile hike. That's right. Ten miles. It's not enough for us to hike ten miles, either. It was necessary that we hike a trail designed by a cruel sadist, filled with unreasonably steep ascents and populated by mountain bikers intent on forcing us from the trail into patches of cactus.

As a result, my feet have fallen off.

But that's OK, because we made it home just in time for the ultimate couch potato event: the Super Bowl. The game itself was pretty good, and the halftime show lived up to the terrible heights of all Super Bowl halftime shows. The lineup was like an ascending ranking of awfulness: P. Diddy. Fair enough. P. Diddy is awful, but you can just say "OK, it's a halftime show. It's going to suck." And your suspicions are well-founded when you see P. Diddy. But just as you ease into that level of crappiness, out comes Nelly!

Nelly is a new low. You long for the carefree days of only P. Diddy on stage, as the two cavort around on stage and the cheerleaders sing "Oh Mickey", cutely substituting "Diddy" for "Mickey". It is clear that P. Diddy is a musical genius.

But then, there's more! It's Kid Rock! Kid Rock is surely the sign that the bottom has been reached. He's wearing an American Flag poncho of some sort. He's blathering about something and saying his own name a lot. They pay him for this. His appearance is proof positive that anything can be made worse by a Kid Rock number.

Anyway, There was also Janet Jackson. Janet Jackson is par for the course on halftime shows as far as I'm concerned. Janet Jackson is awful, yes, but at least it's not Christina Aguilera. Or that opera-singing cop. And there was Justin Timberlake, and frankly I don't really know who that is.

I'm sure everyone has heard about the super-duper outrageous and in-no-way-planned-for-publicity move in which this Timberlake fellow bared Janet Jackson's boob for the seven people out there who haven't already seen Janet Jackson's boob.

OK, now we've all seen Janet Jackson's boob. We can sleep soundly, safe in the knowledge that Janet Jackson has a boob.

And really, we've got Nelly singing "Take off all your clothes!" to prepubescent teens. How hypocritical is it that when someone actually does take off some clothes, the censors lose it?

That's all the insightful boob commentary I have for you. I have to try to grow some new feet.


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