While it is not the policy of My Life as an American Gladiator to delve into politics, or indeed to delve in way whatsoever, unless it's into a pie, the world situation calls for immediate attention:

President Chirac of France recently called George W Bush something that translates as "a man with the head of a cow, and not a bright cow." The American president countered by calling Chirac a "varmint" and squinting a lot.

All this rhetoric has led to a dramatic increase in Franco-American tensions, and sources close to My Life as an American Gladiator report that there may be a huge tariff placed on Spaghettios.

A statement released by Franco-American read in part: "It is our goal only to teach the Americans and the French to live together, producing pasta shaped like cute dinosaurs and UFOs. Nowhere in our business plan do we explicitly state that we yearn to see French people hitting American people with pointy sticks. You can talk to our lawyers."

Franco-American's arch-nemesis, Chef Boyardee, could not be reached for comment.